I am emotionally drained. (CONTENT WARNING)

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 23, 2015, 11:20 AM

I got some stuff to say.

*cracks knuckles*

If you didn't know already, an Illinois woman named Sandra Bland was pulled over in Texas for a traffic violation, and two days later she was found hung in her jail cell.

I'm skipping over the details because it's very graphic and upsetting and there's evidence of foul play on the side of law enforcement, but I'm mostly writing this journal to say

that I'm tired.

I'm depressed.

I'm despondent because the way black people are treated in this country, anyone can kill them with the right excuse.

I fear that my mother will be next, because she drives a car and tends to be on the cantankerous side because of her old age.

So anyways, I have no mental or emotional energy to draw. The reality of the country I live in dawned on me, and I'm frankly too upset and terrified to even draw a single line.

F2528861-a98c-e18b-bd724421c811d34c[1422444223000] by Nefepants

12 Comments

Listening to: ...
Reading: news headlines
Watching: ....
Playing: I Wish I Was the Moon by Neko Case
Eating: I wish I could hold down food...
Drinking: Orange juice

I am emotionally drained. (CONTENT WARNING) by Nefepants

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Katfayebrown Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2015 Student Digital Artist

I'm sorry Nefe, I wish there was anything I could say that would help. I hate that I look around and see people who claim to be sympathetic, but in the end just ignore what's going on because they're white and don't have to worry about it beyond 'oh, that's so awful'. And I hate how I find myself doing the same thing, because I don't live in it. I pass cops on the street and become terrified, but then realize I have no cause to be because I'm white. I have no words, I just wish I could help.

Nefepants Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015 Professional Digital Artist

Thank you Kat. I really appreciate it.

Jupiterrises2002 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015 Hobbyist General Artist

You know what is horrible too about this country and racism? Kids are being raised with this right now- bullying is already horrible enough- to blacks and whites but still Thai is shitty that people are liking themselves just to get out of this world. Who knows what happens next for this? Police already kill people- blacks and whites- this environment is messed up. Even kids that are eight or nine are racist to other school kids, that's horrible, and it's not just blacks all the time, even the Mexicans and other races are getting hell.

Oh yeah and when I was in Minnesota I saw a sticker on a big jacked up bubba truck that said "SPEAK ENGLISH OR GO BACK TO THE SORRY ASS COUNTRY YOU CAME FROM" this world..... Makes me want to throw up.

Nefepants Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2015 Professional Digital Artist

It's terrifying. Racism is learned, and it seems that parents are still teaching it to their kids because we still see videos where kids of color get belittled and mocked for their skin color or because of their religious expression. The entire world needs to stop teaching this kind of hate to their kids, because their kids become the next generation.

And I never got that. I've been told to go back to my country because my name is Nefertiti and it's an Egyptian name.

WHAT COUNTRY??? I WAS LITERALLY BORN HERE WHERE DO THEY WANT ME TO GO BACK TO

Jupiterrises2002 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2015 Hobbyist General Artist

Jesus Christ please save us all- UGHHHHHHHHHHH I hate this generation.. Nobody that hurts the colored people understands the consequences.. Can we move to UK? They have it a little better and aren't so racist

Goatlactic Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2015 Hobbyist Digital Artist

also edited my comment just to alter pronouns since my brain keeps going back to my old habit of forgetting they is a thing and more accurate since I'm sure non binary cops do exist.

Nefepants Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2015 Professional Digital Artist

It's nice of you to use inclusive language for police, even though they're all terrible. I'm trans, and I'm kind of reluctant to do it, because they're just so godawful.

Goatlactic Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2015 Hobbyist Digital Artist

;3; I try to have a rule about respecting people's gender/race/sexuality/etc even if they are awful human beings. Glad you think that's nice I'm sure some people would think its silly.

Goatlactic Featured By Owner Edited Jul 23, 2015 Hobbyist Digital Artist

:c yeah and its not the only recent story involving black people being either killed or horribly brutalized by cops in the US. Heck this whole event in particular highlights how having cameras on police is definitely not going to help the issue because cops are using obviously tampered videos + bringing the black people to places where there's no obligation to have cameras on them in order to do their evil. Really there's no other way to put it, this is pure concentrated evil that comes from society being way too lax about microaggressive racism for all this time. Things do escalate when you don't nip them on the butt. Now entire police forces are essentially run by the KKK so even if a cop isn't a racist pile of shit they need to become apathetic to this just to avoid possibly being killed too. Shit is fucked up.

Nefepants Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2015 Professional Digital Artist

I agree 100000%. It's just so sinister, and the fact that there are so many racists within the system only makes it that much harder to obtain justice whenever they kill someone. Especially a person of color.

It just feels like there's evil little seeds of racism planted in all spheres of our society, not just the police. And it's just so damn scary.

And the thing is that Sandra Bland did nothing unlawful. She exercised her rights, and now she's gone. So even when citizens know their rights and exercise them, they can still end up a hashtag...

Goatlactic Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015 Hobbyist Digital Artist

;A; It is rather scary. I wouldn't even know what to do about it though one thing they could do that would certainly a step forward is properly classify the KKK as a domestic terrorist organization and arrest anyone that's associated with it. Really if the gov. has no trouble filling prison full of fucking potheads it certainly should be able to make room for a bunch of fucking monsters that either are or support anti black murderers. Doesn't solve the problem but at least its showing it concerns itself with it in a small way.

Nefepants Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015 Professional Digital Artist

Honestly. Couldn't have said it better myself. = _ =

They incarcerate people for petty, non-violent drug charges but actual murderers get to walk all under vague laws and "Oh, I feared for my life" when it comes to interacting with any black person in any capacity.

I just can't. It's too much